• violins I: we're the superstars fuck everyone else its all about us
• violins II: why do we always get the boring parts
• flutes: we're so lonely
• piccolo: lol fk your ears
• french horns: and im not even french hONHONHON BAGUETTE
• oboes: IM SORRY I TUNED BEFORE I SWEar
• violas: evERYONE ALWAYS FKUCING FRORGETS ABOUT US
• trumpets: wats 'p'
• trombones: wats quiet
• cellos: im either boring af or exciting af and there is no in between
• bassoons: im so posh but i really just honk like a truck
• clarinet: *squeaks*
• timpani: EVERYONE LOVES ME BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM
• bass clarinet: lol where am i
• tuba: *waits for a wagner piece to do something exciting*
• harp: im just a more sophisticated piano
• piano: FUCK YOU HARP I GET CONCERTOS WRITTEN FOR ME SCREW EVERYTHING WHO NEEDS AN ORCHESTRA WHEN YOU CAN PLAY EVERYTHING ON ME IM THE STAR OF EVERYTIHNG
• english horn: im literally only useful for dvorak's 9th like what am even i doing here
• basses: semibreves, tied to a semibreve, tied to a minim, tied to a crotchet, oh wait a quaver wow exciting ok back to semibreves
• cornets: trumpet wannabe
• cymbals: BOOM CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH IM SRO HAPYP CRASH CRAHS
• saxophones: i never get a good part until a jazzy piece is performed which is never
• xylophones: am i meant to be here?
• triangles: 
• bass drum: MY TIME TO SHINE FUCK YOU ALL